


The Faction has Portland

by LastOfThePythia



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who (2005), Faction Paradox, Faction Paradox - Various Authors
Genre: Gen, Time War
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-20
Updated: 2016-01-20
Packaged: 2018-05-15 03:44:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,858
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5769979
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LastOfThePythia/pseuds/LastOfThePythia
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Faction Paradox isn't exactly subtle in their endeavors. Kidnapping the Doctor is just one of those things they do. Or is it kidnapping? Does anyone study law here? <br/>This was a tumblr Classic Who/EU Secret Santa I wrote.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Faction has Portland

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry for the shitty format. I'll probably revise that later. Probably. Probably... *snaps fingers and retreats into the night*

The Doctor blinked. He had been rushing around the console, grabbing for something that would halt the slew of unwanted Time Energy, causing the TARDIS to crash chaotically around the Vortex, even crashing against the walls. Now he was, well… looking out at a frozen street in… Portland. Portland? Portland, he noted definitely. Portland being frozen wasn’t so unusual – when it was frozen over with ice, not literally frozen in time. To clarify, the state of the city was the latter.

He walked outside of the post office he’d been standing in. Why a post office?

~~~  
Missy sighed. “But why would anyone take the Doctor? Heavens, why would anyone want to take the Doctor?”

Clara smirked darkly and looked around the mansion. It was covered in Victoriana as well as a surprising amount of flowers. “Well, they did. And the Fast Return Switch, like I said, brought me here.”

“Tsk, tsk. That’s the Doctor for you. Never respects anyone’s privacy. This is my home and I don’t expect intruders unless I am expecting them.” She tilted her head. “Their screams can really be quite lovely when one is in the mood.”

“Well, thanks for the tip, but I’m currently occupied by a kidnapped friend and a seriously creepy kid in a bone mask back in the TARDIS.”

Clara’s final words were interrupted by Missy jumping up and over the ostentatious antique desk she had been sitting at and rushing to the blue box beyond Clara. She looked like she was shaking, which made Clara smile.

“Did I say something interesting?”

“Surprisingly, yes,” replied Missy, throwing the doors open.

There was nothing inside. Missy growled.

“I don’t understand. He was right here. He appeared before the crash. Well, before I blacked out.”

~~~  
The Doctor paced around back inside of the post office. What the hell? Fine, he thought. Fine, fine, fine. He knew what he was wanted to do. It wasn’t hard to figure out. He went to the hall in the first left of the building and went to the twelfth box. He pulled out his sonic glasses, huffed, faced the sleek beige wall and the box clicked open. There was a single envelope. He picked it out of the box and opened it quite messily, ripping the letter open quickly.

“Post hoc, ergo propter hoc,” was the writing that took up the entire sheet.

“Well, now, I’m only a bit confused,” he said, taking the glasses off and putting them back in his jacket.

“Where were you before?” came a voice from below him.

The Doctor whirled around and looked down at the figure sitting cross-legged on the cold, tiled floor. It was completely unassuming and innocuous.

Except for what seemed to be a goat’s skull masked over its head.

The Doctor swallowed. “Cousin, is it?”

The mask tilted upward and that same voice came out from behind the encumbrance, sounding more hollow than muffled. “Twice Removed.”

“First, second, third, or… ?”

“None of those.”

“So, just Cousin, twice removed.”

“Close. Emphasise the Twice Removed part, as if someone is writing it down.”

“Cousin, Twice Removed?”

“That’s it.”

The Doctor glowered and spoke slowly. “I hate that that makes sense.” He breathed and studied the person on the ground. Black robes, of course. “What do you want from me?”

“Oh, nothing at all.”

Christ, a playful tone, the Doctor noted. Never a good sign.

~~~   
“Faction Paradox? Sounds like a comic book.” Clara was crossing her arms and leaning her back against the TARDIS console, her eyes staring at a point far away that, to be honest, wasn’t very interesting, but it wasn’t occupied by Missy. She looked more aloof than she felt.

Missy was dashing her lengthy fingers over the console, getting Clara’s permission to touch it after Clara threatened that the Doctor had had a “precaution killy thing” installed, which would zap her if she tried anything stupid. This was a lie.

“Well, they aren’t out of the Funny Pages, darling.”

Clara sniffed. “Not all comics are Funny Page material. Read some Garth Ennis or Warren El – ”

“Oh, shut up! I’m working.”

Clara cocked her head. “I thought you said this would be simple.”

“Simple doesn’t mean quick.”

“The Doctor never mentioned them to me.”

“He knows you’re better off. Even though you do seem to be tame around dangerous creatures.” Missy flashed an overly animated smile at her. “Oh, here we are!”

Clara fumbled her arms to the console as the ship careened forward.

~~~  
“What do you mean? You’ve brought me here; you need something. You must need something. You all always need something.”

“Wrong. The Time Lords need. We just… want. For the most part.”

“Well, what do you want?” the Doctor snapped, the loudest he had spoken up until then.

The figure – person – Cousin – sighed. “Already have it, sorry.”

“Sorry?”

“Where were you before? I asked that already. But I know. You were here.”

“Of course I was here, you brought me.”

“Astute.” The Cousin reached into their robe and pulled out a small, carved bone canister dangling on a chain. It vanished and they levelled their hand, palm upwards, sweeping ostentatiously.

The Doctor huffed. “What did you take from me?”

“Evidence. Proof.”

“Proof? Of me, then?”

“Proof you were here. Here before, here now, will be here again.”

“You can speak proper tenses, I get it.”

“No tense is proper –”

The Doctor grabbed the Cousin by the robes and pulled them up to their feet; they were basically the same height.

“No. You took my proof. You needed, or wanted – however you will put it. That was my time signature. Now, why would we want to do that?”

“This place is important. They will all know you’ve been here. The war is going to be and will have been fought here.”

“Oh, not this again. The war is over, remember?”

“Over? Moments, much less entire histories, are never over.”

“Oh, blah blah, preserving the present for the future, bravo! The children will thank you.”

“Your interpretation of our House is startlingly dull.”

“You have no House rights.”

The Cousin seemed to have a laugh in their voice when they spoke next. “It doesn’t matter. We have the two signatures.”

The Doctor let go of the Cousin’s robes. “Two.” It wasn’t a question.

~~~  
“Now, the Faction is very picky about their dinners, so try and look more appetising than me. Though, we know that’s impossible.”

“Now you’re just screwing with me,” Clara replied.

“Always.”

Having landed only seconds ago, they were on their way out of the TARDIS, Missy in the lead. “Oh, I hope he really is in trouble. I do so love a damsel in distress,” she cooed.

“Where are we?” Clara wondered as they emerged.

“Hm. Portland. US. Rather dull area.” Her lips quirked up. “For now.” Missy walked on, towards a red building.

Clara couldn’t help but pause to look at the face of a man in mid-walk. The street was full of people, frozen in place. The glare on his sunglasses didn’t so much as shimmer.

“Come, the Doctor is waiting for us.”

Clara didn’t like the tone Missy took on as they reached the glass doors of a post office. “What does that mean?” she hissed.

“You’ll see.”

Inside, Clara followed Missy just several yards to a room full of wall boxes. The Doctor stood there, glaring at a person in a bone mask.

The Doctor looked up angrily. “Hello, Clara. Missy. This is Cousin Twice Removed.”

The Cousin pulled out another bone canister, flashing it slowly and letting it disappear. Clara stared.

“Doctor, what’s happening?”

“Just the violation and pillaging of history,” the Doctor said sardonically.

“Lovely, isn’t it?” said Missy. She sighed a pleased sigh.

“You never wanted anything to do with this war,” the Doctor hissed at her. “Why? Why now? Why here? Why did you let them take your time signature?”

“I know. The war is unpleasant, to say the least. But they promised me Seattle 1991. Not as good as ‘89, but still. A nice get away for when one is in the mood for moody music.”

“All parties of the war,” said the Cousin slowly, “Will believe you to be fighting here on this day. We will move the day, destroy the humans in the day. Detail the area.”

“Perfect climate for a war,” said the Doctor. “Well,” he smiled, and it looked genuine for a second. “As good as any.”

“As I said, this place is wanted, not needed. Frivolity of choice is always nice.”

“Oi, Holy Evil One!” Clara interjected. “Let my friend go.”

The Cousin turned to look at Clara for the first time. “I never took him.”

“They just wanted to booby trap a war zone. As well as manufacture it in the first place,” said the Doctor.

“You and the Master are quite the notorious duo.”

“Mistress,” Missy put in, purring the word.

The Cousin took no notice. “At your side or against; as long as both of you are here fighting. Don’t look appalled. Fame becomes you, Doctor.”

“Oh, please stop trying to make this a philosophical moment.”

The Cousin smiled, then turned to Clara once more and produced a glass vial, filled with red liquid. “You met my cousin. We hear you’re impossible. A walking paradox.”

The Doctor motioned forward in alarm, but the Cousin put their one empty hand up. “No harm was done. Just a blood sample. It should hold power for a new paradox weapon.”

“And my foot should hold just the right amount of power to break that mask,” Clara said, her arms rigid with tension at her sides.

Missy skipped past the Cousin. “You shouldn’t threaten what you can’t follow through on, dear.”

The Cousin turned and followed her.

The Doctor let out a heavy breath. “Come on, Clara, let’s go.”

“What? You can’t be serious. And let them do what they want?”

“Yes.”

“But what about the people here?”

“They will only be dead in this moment, this day. The rest of their personal histories will be in tact, will live.”

“Even if that is the case, this can’t be good.”

“Yet it happens. It will always happen. We can’t prevent what’s done. Causality is a tricky thing with this lot. Sometimes I think there is no original event with them.”

“I don’t like this,” Clara said simply while following the Doctor back into the TARDIS.

“As well you shouldn’t! I wouldn’t like you otherwise.”

“I want to do something.”

“Have some coffee with me as long as we’re here in the city. Yesterday should be a good day.”

“And this one is, what, just deleted?”

“Basically, yes. Cropped out of the Microsoft Paint window of life.”

“That’s not amusing.”

“Well, I’m amusing and I said it, so it must be an amusing thing.”

“Now that’s the biggest logical fallacy over ever witnessed.”

“Then you haven’t been paying attention,” the Doctor said as he plugged in the date for destination.

“Oh, I’ve been paying perfect attention,” said Clara, suddenly smiling again.

They landed in Switzerland in 1956. The Doctor said he really had meant to take her to Eurovision.


End file.
